Client: “Can you also say on the poster ‘there will be a live dinner and dance’?”
Me: “Is this the type of dinner where people have to catch their food before they eat it?”
Category: Cairns Clients from Hell
We need to make a few revisions. Please enlarge the logo so that it touches the edge of the ad. Move the URL up a bit and enlarge it to the maximum possible size so that it touches the logo and the edges of the ad. If needed, change the font so that it covers the maximum amount of space available. If there’s any space left, put in our slogan at the top, then put phone numbers at the bottom.
“Please make the website and phone number a little bigger and bolder, but the same size”
“Can’t you just take shittier pictures for a discount?”
“Try putting the text in black to make it stand out. I want to keep it one color, so maybe the gray headings can be a screen of black.”
“I don’t want to offend gay people with this design…but I guess they really aren’t any different than normal people.”
“Please remove the images of black people as all of our clients are white.”
“If this situation is not rectified, I will be issuing a world-wide press release through online mediums, social network and fax.”
““I want it to say in big red letters: ‘Come here! It’s hip!’. You know, so the young people will come.””
During a previous contractor position a few years ago I had to deal with a client who insisted on printing out every single email he recieved and then filed them in ring binders in his office. He got dozens of emails a day from delivery centers and stores with running updates of stock levels.
That same client and his partner refused to switch from a system where stores would phone in with their daily orders to the head office to an automated online system because one of them watched “The Net” with Sandra Bullock the night before and it scared them. Yes, they brought it up in the meeting and mentioned the film specifically.
And one time we caught him using his CD drive as a coffee cup holder. It actually happens. Its not an urban myth.