“Don’t ever take that tone of voice in an email with me again, young man.”
– Client response to an e-mail asking them if they would like to reset their password
Category: Cairns Clients from Hell
We were working on a project for a non-profit that works with kids.
Client: We absolutely cannot use this photo. I like the others, just not this one.
Me: Why’s that?
Client: I don’t want to feed into the stereotype that all black kids play sports. I don’t like the letterman jacket he’s wearing.
Me: Oh. He’s not wearing a letterman jacket, that’s an iStockphoto watermark. These are just mock-ups, it would be removed on the final project.
Client: I guess we can use it then. As long as you’re sure it’s not a letterman jacket.
I was working on a website and needed some text material from the client so I asked her to send me the texts. A couple of days later I get a letter in the mail containing hand-written text.
Me: Thanks for the text material, but I’d appreciate if you could send me the texts in digital format as agreed.
Client: Oh, OK! I’ll do it right away.
Me: Great, thanks!
The day after she sent me the same texts, only now written on a typewriter, by fax.
Whilst making a single screen ‘billboard’ at the beginning of a TV program:
Client: Can you make the logos bigger? They need to be bigger.
Me: They’re right at the edge of title safe right now, so we cant go much bigger.
Client: Yes but they need to take up a quarter of the screen each.
Me: A quarter of the screen each?
Client: Yes, everybody paid for their logos to be a quarter of the size of the screen, so they have to be a quarter of the size of the screen.
Me: Firstly, that would make them outside title safe, which means it will be rejected by the station. Secondly, there are six logos.
Me: Did you want the font in cursive or something more simple?
Client: I want it in English.
Me: English is a language – cursive is a type of font we use. Did you want it to be fancy, or simple?
Client: No! In English!
Me: English it is then.
A client kept trying to send me a higher resolution photo, but I kept getting the same size e-mailed to me.
Client: I don’t get it! I click the % to enlarge the picture in Photo Viewer before I send it.
After sending two invoices for payment, I sent another and called the client when the receipt that they had received it came back.
Client: Why are you calling me?
Me: You haven’t paid and this is the third invoice I’ve sent.
Client: It’s even more than the last one!
Me: Yes. The contract you signed stated that I would add a late fee for payment.
Client: You mean I have to actually pay you? I thought you were joking!
Me: What on earth made you think that?
Client: You’re a freelancer!
Me: And…
Client: Well, you work for free! If you were supposed to be paid, you’d be called a paidlancer or something!
I asked a client to send me either a PDF or a picture of her website idea. She sent me a PDF, containing a picture of another PDF.
“Can you design our website so it prints in landscape format?”
A client has various business areas which are identified by acronyms, including LAP, EQP and FAP. They wanted some new online adverts made up. I asked what ideas they’d had for the text. This is what they came back with
FAP online (everyone is doing it)
FAP in schools
FAP for life.